Catholic, Single, and Trying to Navigate the Dating World

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Having a young Catholic try to navigate the dating world can be an intimidating thing especially with terms like, “hook-up, courtship, casual dating, chaperones, and casual sex” floating around society. So what’s the big deal? How does a young Catholic date while remaining both physically AND emotionally chaste?

There are two big words that have been coming up recently in the Christian dating world and that is courtship and casual dating.

First thing is first.. Let me explain what both casual dating and courtship is.

Casual dating (from what I understand) is trying to bridge the gap between courtship and the hook up culture. It tells young single men to go ahead and ask out a girl but “don’t worry, it’s not a commitment… It’s just a date!” Girls should be open to these dates but feel free to let the guy down easy if it isn’t “right”. Which could get you in a tailspin of continued dates just because you feel too bad telling the guy that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. I, like many young girls, didn’t know what the heck casual dating was until I started dating my boyfriend. I remember my sisters all anxiously awaiting to hear about my new relationship and I told them exactly what I was told…”We’re casually dating”.

My older sister looked at me with confusion and asked what that meant and the only thing I could reply was the matter of fact… “I don’t know”.

We were all puzzled. Exclusive? Not exclusive? Committed? Not committed?

I was lost.

Finally about 2 months later we decided to leave all the casual stuff behind us and commit to dating exclusively. I’ll explain why this was the best thing that could have happened to us in the end.

Now courtship looks a bit different.

The Duggar family from the hit TLC Show “19 Kids and Counting” includes in their courtship rules not only an emphasis on maintaining a pure relationship, but they do this through chaperones and strict physical boundaries. The young couples are to have chaperones with them at all times in order to keep them accountable for their guidelines in purity, and the physical touch between the couples are kept to occasional side hugs and getting to hold hands while they’re engaged.

Sounds great and dandy and all….

But for those of you that watch 19 Kids & Counting you may have noticed one thing… These courtship relationships move FAST.

They are barely in courtship for it seems like a month and they’re already planning their wedding.

It might be easy to figure out my issues with each but I’ll spell it out anyway…


Casual dating

1. The definition is unknown.

No one really knows what casually dating is. It’s this weird middle ground between the hook up culture and courtship. Due to its lack of definition many people can just kind of make up what it means. Also, there’s a widely known phrase that goes around in our culture known as “casual sex”. Doesn’t that sound kind of close to “casual dating”? Some people may get confused that they’re the same thing. Which might make for a pretty awkward date if those definitions get crisscrossed.

2. Commitment phobe?
You may snag a few of those commitment phobes trying to turn from their old ways and join the dating scene. The whole casual dating stuff would seem like a good step in the right direction! Casual dating sounds like it allows for people to start dating but in no way requires any true commitment. Personally? Dating shouldn’t include writing an official commitment on paper but it also shouldn’t be a hobby someone would rather do than have the usual “date night with a bowl of popcorn and Netflix” sort of thing.

3. “I don’t see myself marrying him, but it’s just a date!”

Casually dating sometimes doesn’t emphasize the idea of ‘dating with the intent to marry’ enough. They stress just going out on casual dates… Yes that’s great and all. But be realistic! If you can’t see yourself with the guy later in life, why continue dating? It is more selfless to let go than to hang on to another woman’s (or man’s) spouse. Now I’m not saying to go crazy and start picking out your wedding colors or anything but acknowledge whether or not you could picture that person in your future. Then either let go or commit to FULLY dating them and leave this “casual” nonsense behind.

Courtship

1. Physical Chastity vs. Emotional Chastity

Setting physical boundaries to help in the battle for purity is awesome! But let’s remember the less understood word of emotional chastity. The heart is sacred… Don’t give it away too quickly but require that the person God set apart for you seek your heart in the sacred heart of Jesus.

2. Too much pressure

From what I know about courtship it can be a process that involves solid commitment right from the get go. The person that you court IS the person that you will marry. Talk about pressure, goodness. This would leave little room for mistakes. I found that while part of me would want to erase the embarrassment of dating some unfortunate fellows, I would never do that because it was through those lessons I was able to learn about the man I would actually want to marry. There was a freedom and new-found-strength by having those learning experiences (notice I didn’t say failure… it isn’t a failure if you learn from it).


So I propose this…. We date with a purpose.

Dating with a purpose allows for young singles to remove the pressure of courtship but also directs “casual dating” to be more purposeful. Don’t date just because it could be a fun past time. Discern the relationship and if it isn’t fulfilling the purpose to which you intended, then be brave enough to end it.

Dating with a purpose can and should include a vow to practice the virtue of chastity. Until that couple says “I do”, nothing is set in stone. Leave room for the Holy Spirit to direct your relationship and either build it or break it in order to lead you to something else far better. Chastity in a relationship is like the boundaries in a river. Those barriers are what keep the river flowing both quickly and naturally to its destination. For the chaste couple the boundaries which they place in their relationship allow for them to naturally flow towards their destination, which is Heaven. Chastity isn’t meant to make the couple miserable. It is meant to be a joyful struggle. Yes. Struggle with it. Chastity was never meant to be easy but always meant to be worth it. Lift up those struggles for the glory of God and He will give you the joy you seek.

My boyfriend and I about one year into our relationship had to have a serious talk about our future. (Personally- I recommend having this 6 months into your relationship). I told him that if at any point he feels that I am not what is best for him, who he could picture in his future, or who could lead him to Heaven then he should absolutely break up with me. 

I wasn’t saying this to be mean or rude, I was saying it because I didn’t want to be selfish with him. We had to both feel the same way or our relationship was going to end in heartbreak. Remember how I said that the best thing that happened to us was leaving the casual dating shenanigans behind? This is the reason! It allowed for raw honesty between the two of us and a careful discernment as to whether or not we should continue our relationship.

Lastly: (& the most important piece of advice)

Pray and discern whether or not to begin dating. A relationship with Our Lord is the most important thing and sometimes we idolize relationships and put them in the place of our relationship with God. To prevent this from happening make sure that your prayer life is heavily intertwined in your dating life or future relationship. Discernment isn’t just for the future Priests or Nuns, it is for every single vocation. And yes, marriage is a vocation to lead you to Heaven and you can attain the same holiness as someone who enters religious life. There are TONS of holy Saints who were married. Look ’em up.

Holiness begins in the earliest stages of your dating life… actually it begins before you even start dating! Dive into your prayer life and Our Lord will ready your heart as you date with a purpose. 

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How God is Turning My Biggest Embarrassment into My Strongest Testimony

I remember the first time I prayed for my future spouse. I was 11.

I am pretty sure I got the idea from either my older sisters or a chastity talk I had been to in middle school. I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly where the idea came from… I just did it.

At 11 years old I didn’t know the woman that I would be when I would fall in love with my future spouse. I didn’t know who I would have become in those years or how my relationship with Our Lord would have transformed. I didn’t know who this man was or where he would come from. I didn’t know how he would smile or what sound his laugh would make. I didn’t know much of anything…Except I knew he was out there and he was worth waiting for.

As an 11 year old I also didn’t know the brokenness that I would be carrying into this relationship years down the road, the battles we would have to fight, or the struggles we would have to overcome.

In the [amazing] book called “Woman in Love”, Katie Hartfiel asked this question,

What is your brokenness? Name it. 

This brought me back to last April where I had  to finally name the brokenness that was tearing apart my relationship with God.

This can be summed up into two words…eating disorder.

I struggle everyday with the simplest action of sitting down and having a meal. Yes, that basic human need. Trust me it is as ridiculous as it sounds.

It was only last April, through the grace of confession, that I put a name to the brokenness that was keeping me from God.  My spiritual director sat me down many times throughout the year to ask, “Kileen, are you eating?”. I would reply all offended “Father, of course I am eating! Gosh. Can everyone stop asking me that?”

Yet… that question came up person, after person, after person. My family and friends were growing increasingly concerned over the rapid amount of weight I had lost from my Freshman year of college to my sophomore year. But I refused to listen.

Then I woke up one day last April with the intense desire of wanting to go to confession. This was so weird for me! Although I love the Sacrament it usually takes me days to prepare myself to go to the confessional because I get such bad anxiety beforehand. For some odd reason, this day was different.

In the confessional Father asked me for the millionth time, “Kileen I have to ask because I am your spiritual Father, I care about you…. Are you eating?”

I broke down into tears. I couldn’t lie anymore, I couldn’t fake it.

Throughout the past 2 years I had gotten pretty good at putting on a fake smile and answering the question as if there was no guilty conscious ringing off in my head. I had become used to saying, “Oh no… I walk everywhere so that has really helped me drop a few pounds.”

I was recycling an old lie that was used on me when someone close to me had revealed her eating disorder.

See… the devil knew exactly where to place the sin that I would be too ashamed to share. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that I wasn’t going to eat anymore. No. It started with my busy life not lending me time to eat breakfast. Then it turned into ‘I’m getting too busy to eat lunch but I’ll have a big dinner’, all up to the point that I was having a smoothie or a few spinach leaves a day. As I stopped eating meal after meal I noticed a change in my body. Sadly, I liked it.

There was still a deep shame inside. After all, my entire reversion was built on ‘rediscovering’ my beauty. In the past I had enjoyed explaining to other woman that they were dignified beautiful creations of God! Yet, here I was. Feeling “satisfied” with the growling of an empty stomach as if it was some victory. While a voice inside said, ” You are a disappointment. You are a failure. You are broken.”

I kept the secret. I isolated the voice of Christ telling me to give Him this brokenness. I felt that if I just shut His voice out, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty or ashamed. It actually increased both.

I wasn’t willing to give up everything for Christ. I was still holding onto a “vision” of my body and along the way I was hurting so many people close to me. They felt lied to… And rightly so.

Why am I telling you this story? 

Well. The man who I began praying for as that 11 year old girl was the same man who helped me heal my own brokenness.

On the day of this same confession, Father continued his spiritual guidance and asked this question, “Do you want to have kids?” My response was a loud and proud yes! He explained gently that if I were to continue denying my body its most basic necessity, I could lose my chance at motherhood.

My heart dropped.

How selfish of me.

Christ was opening up a desire in my heart that was far deeper and held more meaning to me than the size of jeans I wear. I had always desired to be a faithful wife and loving mother, but for some odd reason I didn’t connect my own eating habits with my future marriage and family. One thing I really want to stress is that if I were to have tried to heal purely for me, I would have never started my recovery. In thinking of myself I was led only to self harm and isolation. It was in thinking of the man who God had created with me in mind, the man who Our Lord knew would lead me safely back to Him, that I was able to step outside of my selfishness and name the sin that was keeping me tucked away in darkness.

It was love, namely love Himself, who brought me back into the light.

I was praying daily again. I opened up my first prayer in a little while for my future husband. I prayed that he would forgive my failures. I prayed that I could be the wife he deserved. I prayed for the ability to still be able to have children in the future and if God allows that, I prayed that my children would learn from my mistakes.

It was prayers for my Husband-to-be that began a slow and steady ‘yes’ from God… He was telling me over and over again, “You are enough”.

Months later I still look at the front cover of the journal I bought while beginning my road to recovery, and on it says;

“To You Lord, I am enough”.

I still carry the scar of my own self harm. I still struggle with eating. Sometimes I still even cringe at the feeling of being full. And no… This disorder isn’t glamorous like the store Urban Outfitters would have you think. They would like to de-sensitize it to make you buy a fashion tee that says “eat less”.

But there’s hope…

For me it began with Christ. He brought me back into the light to name the very sin that was leaving me crippled. It was painful and the first few months were exhausting, some days still are. But as Saint Paul wrote in Romans 8:18, “The pain you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”

The joy of a fruitful and holy marriage that will lead me back to my Heavenly Father is the joy I pray will come. To my future husband, thank you. Your existence alone gave me inspiration to live not just for myself, but for what may come.

This struggle will not become my identity. Because even the tragedy of the cross, Christ turned into His greatest victory.

This is my cross.

“And he said to all, if any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

Please pray for me, know I am praying for you as well.

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Pinterest is Planning My Wedding…. All I Need is the Groom

cant sleep pinterest is fetching more pins(: lol : so true cant close my eyes without catalogue-ing

I got my Pinterest account when I was a freshman in college and didn’t realize the commitment I was making upon receiving an invitation to officially “sign up”. This was a commitment to procrastination, crafty ideas, and also loads upon loads of pins planning my future wedding. A wedding I was no where close to having. Don’t get me wrong! Pinterest is awesome for valuable information towards ‘do it yourself’ crafts, recipes, fashion trends, and many more. But something I struggle with greatly is making sure that as I pin, especially in regards to looking at the wedding boards, that I keep my heart open to God’s will.

 
Near the beginning of when my sweet boyfriend and I started dating he just happened to get on my Pinterest account and to his dismay he found my wedding board. I was a little embarrassed and tried to hide it from him, but it was of no use. The kid is smart. Both astonished at the number of pins and extremely nervous because we had only been dating for a month or so I reassured him that I made that board a long time ago. Some reassurance huh? This probably made him feel more uncomfortable. I found that as our relationship grew and started to become more serious and marriage got brought up it seemed to have a stigma that it was something that I wanted from him merely to get all the glitz, glam, and romance to have my perfect ‘Pinterest wedding’. I needed the groom to fit into my cookie cutter wedding. This made me so sad because the last thing I wanted him to feel, especially as we started to realize God’s plan for us together, was that he was just a ‘fill in’ and it didn’t matter who it was as long as I could get married in the near future. The thing is, I gave him a completely valid reason to thinking this because of my obsession over weddings on my Pinterest. I knew he wasn’t just a ‘fill in’ but because of my lack of what some would call “emotional chastity” on Pinterest, I could have been at serious risk of losing the one person I had been praying for my entire life. This is when I really began to reevaluate my own emotional chastity in regards to Pinterest.
 
First, let me explain emotional chastity and why it’s so hard for girls. Chastity is a virtue that involves becoming a master over your own desires or wants for the sake of Heaven. Chastity is heavily regarded and mostly looked at in the physical nature but the reality is that it involves our mind and imagination just as much as it involves our body. Men are visual creatures and tend to struggle with physical chastity more, whereas women are more sensual and struggle with emotional chastity. Emotional chastity can be wanting to share the entire depths of your heart or planning your wedding with a guy you’ve just met. Both of these things apply. The reason why women struggle with emotional chastity is because we are naturally a lot more in tune  to our emotions than guys and desire love… not as much sex. Girls still struggle with physical chastity too but as Father John Nepil said when he was talking about emotional chastity, “Girls give sex in order to have love and guys give love in order to have sex.” It’s the reality of how we were made and these aren’t bad things! We just have to place them in the right context of marriage. 
 
Pinterest in it of itself is a good thing! It isn’t bad! But when we take it and use it to make all the planning for God before we truly know the plan ourselves we get into some trouble. For the sake of the person that you are with (or will be with) always remember that they are more than a cookie cutter piece that fits in your plan! They are gift that God has sent you to reach Heaven because marriage is supposed to lead the two people to Our Lord. Trust me, as a girl who struggled (and continues to struggle) with this aspect of emotional chastity I can say that my future spouse is absolutely worth it! Just as the male in the relationship sacrifices and dies to himself physically we cannot be short of making sacrifices as well. 
 
A few pins here and there isn’t a bad thing but when it consumes your thoughts then it’s probably time to take a step back from pinning and maybe have a Pinterest fast for a few weeks. If you continue to struggle with then another suggestion I have is to create a board that puts pins that relate to preparing your heart for your husband. It can include pictures of couples, quotes, or steps into creating a stable relationship with a center focused on God. That can be a fun way to involve your relationship in the Pinterest world. 
 
http://theshortlink.com/pinteresttips 5 Pinterest Tips For Getting Started And Generating High Viral Traffic To Your Site (HINT: All of them FREE) #pinteresttips
Have fun! But keep your heart open to the will of God because He will give you the desires of your heart… and has a plan far greater than the one we plan for ourselves…. Just trust in His goodness. 

 
“Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Veiled: For my Beloved

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As I walk into the sanctuary on a beautiful Sunday I automatically feel the glances and sense the stares. Part of me doesn’t want to look up and awkwardly catch eyes with the person looking at me, so I continue to walk in and make my way to the pew.

Then I see Him.

I kneel down and genuflect in front of the first love of my life. My heart lifts and I forget the people staring. It’s just me and sweet Jesus.

Yes I am one of many young women who are revitalizing an old tradition of wearing a veil (mantilla) in the presence of Our Lord. And yes, you can do this and not be 80 years old. I remember seeing the older generation at my home parish wear the veil and thought to myself, “Wow they STILL do that?” Not even fully realizing how beautiful of a tradition it was. Of course Our Lord brought me to that understanding about a year ago and deepened this calling for veiling. I ignored it. “That would be awkward! Women don’t do that anymore! They would stare at me and judge me!” All of these thoughts were based on fear, not love. Veiling in front of Our Lord is founded purely on love of Him. And boy was I in love! So of course I stepped up and obeyed the calling. Fortunately, haven’t looked back since. 

Now that I have been wearing the veil for a while, I realize the beauty and the depth to this calling and it isn’t just about modesty and obedience in front of my Lord. No.

The veil represents my total gift of self to my beloved.

As I walk down the aisle towards the Eucharist… I am meeting my beloved. I am walking towards the first love of my life and I ready my heart to be one with His. To receive His body, soul, and divinity. When you veil you are recognizing that something beautiful and sacred is in front of you. Women were created as the most beautiful creation, therefore; when we veil, we humble ourselves and point to something even more beautiful… Which is God Himself.

Now…Fast forward a few years….

I walk with my Dad making our way towards the altar in the church.  

I fix my veil, perfecting it to make sure that I feel and look my best.

My nerves rise as I get closer towards the entrance of the sanctuary, everyone is looking at me, everyone is staring….

Then I see him.

My groom standing at the front of the altar. Waiting patiently for me and symbolizing perfectly the patience that came along with living out a chaste relationship so that on my wedding day I could wear white, and mean it.

I am veiled representing my total gift of self to him and Our Lord. I walk down the aisle toward my beloved, the man that I will be united with through the sacraments and who also fulfills what Our Lord says in scripture that, “Then the two shall become one flesh…”

.Let’s come back to today…

When I walk into the sanctuary on a normal Sunday I meet my first Beloved in the tabernacle, one who I walk down the aisle time and time again to receive on my tongue in the Holy Eucharist. I wear the veil symbolizing my gift of self and submission to Our Lord, a gentle reminder of Our Lady and how she modeled this so perfectly. Mary gave herself as a gift to God. We all as women are gifts to humanity! This is what we need to remember! The reason we were created last is because we are the crown of God’s creation!

See, it is no coincidence that brides wear a veil on the day of their wedding. This tradition, much like the tradition of wearing the chapel veil, has now been accustomed to taste. We need to re-educate that the veil isn’t an accessory but rather a symbol of submission, humility, dignity, and the gift of ones self to another. As a bride I will walk down the aisle veiled for the Beloved that God made for me. The man who I will vow to live my life t’ll death to Heaven and all while fulfilling the ultimate goal… “Kileen, let’s be Saints”. 

Although the stares and glances from some of the parishioners may be uncomfortable, the reality I have found is that I don’t wear the veil because of them! No, I wear the veil for my beloved. The veil was never about myself and the parishioners, but rather it is about symbolizing my own dignity, obedience, faithfulness, and total gift of self to not only my beloved Lord but also my beloved [future] husband.

30 Day Modesty Challenge Final Lessons & Favorite Outfits

Here it is! My final week of the challenge.

Here are a few lessons I took from the 30 days:

1. I am not perfect

Sometimes the problem we get ourselves into is thinking that we are supposed to be perfect all the time, but if we continue this thinking it can be dangerous. This extends even to our health, which is what happened to me earlier this year. My body is never going to look as the world will see it “perfect”. But to God? I am a slab of gold which is purified through fire, and has to be continuously purified until the reflection the goldsmith sees in the gold…is Himself. I am imperfect, God is not. That’s the lesson.

2. Prayer, Prayer, then more Prayer

The most important part of the challenge was growing in my prayer life. Those conversations with God, and Him opening up my heart to see what’s truly in there, showed me the reality of why I felt called to join the challenge. It wasn’t because I needed a fashion makeover, although that was definitely needed, but because I needed to remember my own dignity.
“It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from within you- the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This beauty will never disappear, and it is worth very much to God. -1 Peter 3:3
My clothes needed to reflect the dignity that I found in Christ.

3. Modest doesn’t mean frumpy- It never did

Shortly after my blog was shared on Chastity Project’s site, there were numerous articles week after week detailing issues about modesty. This was really awesome to see because by my observation it was the modesty challenge which opened up communication on the subject. One blog talked about their problem with the “M” word. Modesty means frumpy clothes that doesn’t give you any shape, isn’t cute, but outwardly portrays your holiness. The challenge was meant to breakdown these stereotypical walls for modesty! For me, it was to make the clothes I love both modest and fashionable. Guess what? You can totally do it! Modesty doesn’t mean wearing turtlenecks or dresses that make you look like a box. No way! You can wear cute clothes! It just has to be a mindset that “What I’m wearing will honor My Lord.” Or a question of, “Would I wear this in front of My God?”. Our Lord wants you to look beautiful! He created you that way! Don’t be afraid of the “M” word, it doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself in your own fashionable way! Challenge yourself to be creative when it comes to modest outfits! Don’t be afraid to show your beautiful femininity!

4. Modesty strengthens us in Chastity

Modesty and chastity are two sides of the same coin. My desire to live out my promise of purity for my husband means that I want to be representing myself in a dignified way. A quote I really love that speaks to this says, “Dress how you want other women dressing around your husband”. For me? As my prayer life increased, my positivity about chastity increased as well. Modesty isn’t just meant for me to understand that my dignity is from God, and not in the clothes I wear. It is also for my future spouse. I wear clothes that, although still show my femininity, will provide mystery for my husband to unravel. On my wedding day I want to wear white, and mean it. I want to be the gift he has to unwrap.

5. It starts with just ONE

Changing a lifestyle doesn’t happen over night. But all it takes is one person, one day of courage, or one moment of surrender. That’s where it begins. God filled Mary’s heart because of one word… Fiat.

What is your ONE moment going to be? Will you say yes?

My Top 10 Outfits in the 30 Days

1.  Date Night Out

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2. Yes, you can still wear that shorty short dress- just as a shirt.

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3. No more uncomfortable yanking! Strapless dress win.

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4.  Modest at 14,000 Feet

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5. Sunday Best

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6. Can’t go wrong with a jean shirt and maxi skirt

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7. Colors of Summer

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8. Accessorize & Simple Style

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9. Sunday Best Part II

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10. It isn’t how you start, it’s how you finish.

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Thank you for your prayers! I am still praying for all the women participating in the challenge and those who will eventually join!

Although this challenge may be over for me, doesn’t mean my journey is anywhere near over! Another challenge begins for me. Please pray for me and trust I will be praying for you as well!

To the ends of the earth would you follow Me?

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The road to sanctification is tough. It isn’t a flat road with wild flowers on each side, but rather a rough and rocky path. Although this path may be tough, where it leads is what matters.

Saint Maria Faustina had a vision of two paths….

“…I saw two roads. One was broad, covered with sand and flowers, full of joy, music and all sorts of pleasures. People walked along it, dancing and enjoying themselves. They reached the end without realizing it. And at the end of the road there was a horrible precipice; that is, the abyss of hell. The souls fell blindly into it; as they walked, so they fell. And their number was so great that it was impossible to count them. And I saw the other road, or rather, a path, for it was narrow and strewn with thorns and rocks; and the people who walked along it had tears in their eyes, and all kinds of suffering befell them. Some fell down upon the rocks, but stood up immediately and went on. At the end of the road there was a magnificent garden filled with all sorts of happiness and all these souls entered there. At the very first instant they forgot all their sufferings” (Diary 153).

I learned a lot about these two paths while hiking two of Colorado’s beautiful peaks. Although I didn’t cry, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to at some points.

I know. This sounds pathetic.

While we were hiking up the steepest part of the mountain, every muscle in my legs were aching and tired. Then to my left I look over to see my boyfriend who was taking it all like a champ! Smiling, laughing, and even joking as we are working our way through the rocks! Each time we stopped because of my tired legs I would immediately look over to him and say “Sorry. I’m just such a wimp.” To this he would look at me with the same sweet grin and say, “It’s not meant to be easy”.

We made it through the rocky and narrow part to reach the summit, and how sweet it was! There’s something beautiful about being above the clouds. It felt almost as if Heaven was within reach. Through the celebration and the peace felt on top of that mountain, I found some clarity about the road to Sainthood.

Tim was right. “It’s not meant to be easy”.

In the spiritual life, we as a people avoid pain because it hurts and at times leaves us feeling a sense of brokenness. We wish pain away but cease to recognize what pain does to us. It prepares us for the goodness that we taste in happiness and joy. Anyone who has run long distance will tell you that the pain they felt during the run was worth the exhilaration they felt afterwards. We feel a sense of joy and satisfaction when we reach that summit, especially knowing the hard task that it took for us to get to that point!

The question remains, why is it that we feel the full extent of pain and it seems never ending, yet happiness and joy seem to pass quickly? I experienced this. The joy of being above the clouds lasted a good while but then there was the realization that we still had yet another peak to climb, and a long road down the mountain, away from the breath taking view, and beneath the clouds that would be waiting for us. Venerable Fulton Sheen explains that this lasting pain and fleeting happiness occurs because, “pain was meant to be exhausted in this life. Joys are not, because they belong to another existence”.

Joy and happiness will be fulfilled where pain ceases to exist… Heaven.

The suffering that we feel here on earth has no place in Heaven! Isn’t that wonderful? We suffer because we are allowed to suffer here and must do so for Christ and with Christ. Our spiritual life will make us feel pain at times, so how do we make that pain bearable?

We love.

Tim demonstrated this perfectly on our hike. Without annoyance or comparison he lifted my spirits when I was down. He showed me that even though we feel pain we can still smile, laugh, and joke. We learn to love more thoroughly and completely when we love during the most painful times of our lives. Seriously… If this isn’t some amazing marriage prep, I don’t know what is.

The road to Sainthood is a road to Calvary. Whatever your cross may be; chastity, sobriety, modesty, faith, or so on. Realize that the summit is there! You are making your way when you choose the rough path to rid yourself of temptation and sin! Don’t let the devil tell you that you’re so far away it would be better to turn around, because if you turn around now you will miss out on the beauty that awaits.

If Heaven is to be far greater than being high above the clouds in beautiful Colorado, I can only imagine how beautiful it will be! Now’s your chance to decide…

Which path will you take? 

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Battle of the TV Proposals

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Embarrassingly enough I watched the entire season of abc’s “The Bachelorette” which ended with Andi Dorfman, the current “Bachelorette”, getting engaged to a former professional baseball player named Josh. I know I know. This show isn’t really known for it’s success in marriages. Neither does it display chastity (really of any kind) and its pretty dang unrealistic. Normal people don’t fly through the Mediterranean for their first few dates, something more along the lines of dinner and a movie with a budget sounds more like it. I guess my hope is that maybe someday there will be a couple that strives to live a virtuous life of love through Our Lord, because it has happened before! Check out Sean Lowe and his wife if you don’t believe me. Anyway… This season ended in beautiful Dominican Republic with a romantic proposal. Let me tell ya….

I am a sucker for good proposals.

You got it. Tears and all.

The strange thing was that while watching the much anticipated Bachelorette proposal, I didn’t shed a single tear. Not one! Don’t get me wrong, josh said some really beautiful things and their love could truly be genuine. I even had some “awe” moments. But the reality was that some of the things he said really didn’t strike me to the core like the proposal of Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard from the TV show “19 Kids and Counting”.

As I was talking with my sister and telling her about how strange it was that I cried watching the proposal of Jill and Derick but not the infamous “Bachelorette” proposal, one would think that with all the hype the Bachelorette makes, it would result in a crazy romantic proposal that would bring any girly girl to tears. I realized as I was talking what the huge difference was…. God being the writer of your love story or not.

During the Bachelorette, the proposal was filled with phrases like, “I am so passionate about you…We have so much passion…we have so much chemistry…I fell in love with you on the first night I saw you….” So on and so forth. God wasn’t mentioned at all. Our Lord is LOVE, therefore; how can you fully love someone without involving love Himself?

I remember being glued to the TV as Derick Dillard got down on one knee to ask Jill Duggar to marry him and honor him by, “serving Our Lord with him for the rest of his life.” Even before he got down on one knee, the viewers listened to a beautiful song that was written specifically for the couple detailing their love story. The lyrics went along the lines, “when He made you, it was obvious He was thinking of me”. Isn’t that a beautiful phrase you want to hear on the day you get engaged? The assurance that God had been the writer of your love story! The confidence that God was thinking of you when He created your future spouse. If you want to hear it click here.

Shortly after the proposal the couple went back to the Duggar home to announce their engagement. What was the first thing the family did in celebration? They gathered in prayer.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:6

A couple who prays together, stays together. It may be entertaining to see the grandeur of ‘love’ displayed on the Bachelorette but without the direction of Our Lord channeling the relationship, it may be like a river without boundaries. The river that lacks boundaries will have no end result and will go in every direction, where as the river with boundaries will flow more smoothly and have a place where it inevitably ends. For Christian relationships this inevitable end is Heaven, and the boundaries that keep us steady on that path are our virtues. Chastity is a biggie. These boundaries aren’t meant to be restrictive, but rather they allow freedom to exist in the relationship. The freedom to leave the relationship if it’s not a good fit because you aren’t physically attached, or the freedom to choose the path to sanctification which is the path of chastity with your beloved. Our Lord asks not only, “Will you accept this rose?” … But asks…”Will you accept both this rose AND these thorns?”

How will you respond?

“If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any compassion and mercy,complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing.
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but everyone for those of others. Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.” Philippians 2: 1-6